


Just Wanna Have Fun

by silverfoxflower



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-27
Updated: 2012-06-27
Packaged: 2017-11-08 16:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silverfoxflower/pseuds/silverfoxflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Natasha sucks at bowling, Sif gets a lapdance, Jane can't hold her tequila, and Clint has his suspicions about what, exactly, goes on during Girls Night Out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Wanna Have Fun

**Author's Note:**

> Written for: this [prompt](http://kink-bingo.dreamwidth.org/412590.html?thread=3329454#cmt3329454) at kink_bingo

"Sooooooo..." Clint peered at Darcy upside-down from where he was sprawled on the couch. "What do you do exactly on these 'Girls' Night Outs'?" 

"None of your beeswax, bub." Darcy said, attacking her eyelashes with that Clint called the Eye Scooper of Doom and what Darcy claimed was an eyelash curler. And yes, maybe he was a bit miffed that his girlfriend spent more time primping for her gal pals than for him these days. She had certainly never wielded an Eye Scooper of Doom on his behalf. 

"Now you're making me think that you're up to something mysterious and dangerous." Clint pouted, making grabby-hands at Darcy's hips until she moved in close enough range so that he could bury his face in her stomach. 

"And don't even _think_ of doing reconnaissance on us." She scratched her short fingernails through the hair at the nape of his neck until he began to purr, then tugged herself away like the hot little tease she was. "I've got a Natasha Romanov and I know how to use her." 

"Fine," Clint called after her, "But I'm gonna imagine you all having a pillow fight in lingerie followed by a lesbian orgy."

"You do that." Darcy said called back, blowing a kiss before scooping up her purse on the way out the door.

+

“Don’t you find this all a little,” Darcy gestured with her cigar. “Phallic?” 

Jane tried to cough discreetly into her shoulder. Of all of them, she was the only one who had the squeaky-pink-baby-virgin lungs of a lifelong nonsmoker, but she had insisted on coming along anyway like a trooper. 

"It was Freud who said that sometimes a cigar was just a cigar." Pepper slid Jane a glass of water before settling back into her armchair. She was wearing a suit that definitely cost more than Darcy’s car and flattered the slender curves of her body in a subtle, classy way. Basically, she looked perfectly at home in the upscale bar and more than once had had to gracefully decline a brandy sent over by an admirer. 

"Doctor, heal thyself," Darcy gestured expansively with her cigar. She seemed to take delight in milking the faux-intellectualism. "Him and Carl Jung were looking pretty friendly in my Psych 101 textbook. I bet Freud was smokin' _his_ cigar." 

Natasha rolled her eyes and continued to instruct Sif on how to blow smoke rings. 

"Guys, this is my _favorite_ ," Maria sank into her chair, a deeply satisfied smile on her face. Her hair, normally pulled back in a painfully tight ponytail, was loose around her shoulders. She looked minutes away from putting her feet on the counter. "Can't buy shit this good on a SHIELD paycheck, that's for sure." 

+

"You taste of ash." Thor said, perplexed, as he pulled away from Jane's lips. "Which greatly stirs the blood of my loins." He hastily added, as he saw her eyes grow large and wet. 

+

None of the women ended up wearing bowling shoes because Pepper refused to give up custody of her Jimmy Choos, Natasha probably had five different weapons sheathed in her boots, and Darcy just didn't like the idea of sharing shoes with strangers. Gross.

But it turned out okay, because Pepper flashed her platinum mastercard and ended up bowling two strikes in a row in high heels. Jane and Maria were both uber serious about it, and ended up bowling 198 and 218, respectively. Sif broke two balls and sent a spray of pins across the lanes to hard that they cracked the wall. 

Natasha really, really sucked. 

Everybody decided quietly never to go bowling again (and anyway, they were now banned from _that_ bowling alley, and two more, besides, just on reputation.)

+

The thing with dating a woman like Natasha was that Bruce became used to never knowing anything until she felt good and ready to tell him. Which was okay, because most of the stuff that she dabbled in would probably send his blood pressure through the roof. 

So he could say truthfully, when badgered by a certain annoyingly persistent archer, that he was not curious in the least concerning what Natasha did when she was with her female friends. Compared to disappearing-for-weeks-without-a-phonecall secrets, waking-up-hyperventilating-with-tears-on-her-face secrets, and, worst of all, bleeding-and-unconscious-in-the-medical-bay secrets (the first time that that had happened, Bruce had nearly hulked out and gone after whichever sorry sonofabitch had done that to her. Only the assurance that Natasha had taken care of things herself managed to placate him.) - this was small potatoes.

Still, when Bruce walked into the living room in the middle of the night to find Natasha playing Wii bowling with a frenzied look in her eyes, it took everything he had not to ask the first question that rose to mind.

Instead, he padded over warily. "Natasha?" 

She jumped, her hand flashing to the knife sheathed in her pajama pants and okay, something was very strange because _he_ had surprised _Natasha_. She relaxed when she saw him, her face bathed eerily in the glow of the TV. 

"Is everything okay?" He asked in his calmest voice. 

"Yes." Her eye twitched. "Go to sleep." 

_What the heck is going on?_ he wanted to ask, but he knew better than that. "Only if you come with me." He said firmly, reaching forward and slowly retrieving the Wii remote from her hand as if it were a loaded gun. "Come to bed, Natasha." 

She stared at him for a minute then gave the tersest of nods before stepping back from the TV. Bruce didn't even know he was holding his breath until he released it. He had to do yoga breaths as he powered down the Wii, willing his heartbeat to slow as well and when he turned, Natasha's expression almost flickered to guilt. Or it just might have been the light from the dying TV. 

"Come on." He said soothingly, fitting an arm around the small of her back. In the slowest of increments, she melted into his touch, walking with him down the hall and into their room. 

"You will tell no one what you saw." She said, before slipping into bed. 

"I wouldn't dream of it." Bruce replied, brushing a kiss to her temple. 

+

"Another!" Jane said gleefully, throwing her shotglass at the floor. It hit in a spray of glittery shards. 

"Oookay," Darcy said, gently steering her away from the tequila and the incoming bouncers. "I think that you've had enough-" 

"Not until I try the bodyshots!" Jane whispered excitedly, gesturing to Maria, who had a trail of salt leading down to her navel and a considerable line of both men and women waiting to lick tequila from her body. "I _love_ Acapulco!" 

"Oooof course you do." Darcy said, hating her life. Where the fuck was Tasha and Sif and Pepper? Oh yeah, in line to molest Maria. 

"Señora," a burly Mexican man, who Darcy suspected to be an employee of this fine establishment, tapped her on the shoulder. "You and your drunk friend must leave." 

"Yeah, okay, I just need to find-"

"Hey," Jane slurred. "My boyfriend could totally kick your ass." Then she threw up on his shoes. 

And up until that point, Darcy’s sympathies were with the guy, because who knew that Jane was such a belligerent drunk? But the bouncer's lip curled up in disgust and he made the mistake of reaching for Jane in an angry motion. 

Two seconds later, he was on the ground, twitching, as Darcy brandished her taser at the two other approaching bouncers. 

"Shield sister!" Sif's voice could be heard even over the loud beats of the club. She appeared at Darcy's side, with Natasha in tow. They assumed defensive positions around Jane as Pepper whacked a man in the face with her purse. 

"About time." Darcy snorted.

Then, it was chaos. 

+

"This is going to require paperwork." was the first thing that Coulson said as he stopped outside their cell. His expression remained blank as he surveyed a triumphantly roughed-up Sif, Jane passed out in Darcy's lap, Natasha looking mutinous as she paced the perimeter of the cell, Pepper all twitchy from Blackberry withdrawal and Maria smiling up at him guiltily

"Sorry, sir." She said, as Pepper and Darcy worked together to scrape Jane off of the floor.

“I could have broken us out of here with only two casualties.” Natasha muttered under her breath, but everyone pretended not to hear her. 

"I expect a full debrief tomorrow morning." Coulson sighed, nodding at the Mexican policeman, who stepped forward and unlocked the door. 

+

"Oh. My. God." Darcy looked around at all the gyrating manflesh, the glittery manflesh, the beautiful, beautiful manflesh. 

"Breathe, sweetheart." Natasha smirked, squeezing her nape gently. On-stage, a cowboy in nothing but his spurs and hat advised the crowd to "save a horse, ride a cowboy". 

"Oh no thank you." Pepper politely declined the drink brought her way as the group walked to a far booth.

"What the fuck." Darcy said, sliding in. "Did you just get picked up at a male strip club? And Jane, texting, really?" 

Jane looked up with a bored expression. "Sorry, Darcy, but have you _seen_ Thor?" And went back to her phone. 

"Whatever." Maria rolled her eyes, winding her arm around Sif's waist and dragging her away. "Us single girls are gonna get our lapdances."

+

Steve was glaring at the book in his hand – Twilight – and wondering if Clint had been playing another one of his tricks when he had assured Steve that this was a modern romantic masterpiece. If so, then romance in this century had certainly changed for the _worse_. 

"Greetings, Captain of the Shield." A feminine voice said, and Steve raised his head to see Sif, her arm crossed over her breast in a symbol of greeting. 

"Oh," Steve said, "Hello," and attempted to awkwardly replicate the gesture, only to accidentally punch the book out of his hand, sending it, flapping, to the ground. Oh well. "What do you need?" Steve asked with his most pleasant smile. 

"Do you not require your tome?" Sif asked, gesturing the book. 

"No." Steve said firmly. 

"Ah." Sif's expression melted into a smile. She was wearing modern clothing, something she had declared confusion over when she had first arrived ("These fabrics, they are so soft and thin! Pray tell, how do they protect the wearer from the thrust of a sword? Are they magicked?"), and her hair was swept softly over one shoulder. Steve unconsciously sat up straighter. "I was informed by Tony Howardson that you are a master of Midgardian dancing." 

Steve blushed. "I ... I don't know. I have watched videos. I am passable, I suppose." 

"I would you danced for me, Steve." Sif sat down on the couch next to him, her expression earnest. 

"I ... now?" 

"Please." 

Steve nodded dumbly, raising to his feet to press some buttons on the stereo until a bright waltz began to play. He turned back to Sif, who was still sitting, and offered his hand. 

She stared at him blankly. 

"Um," Steve said, "Can I have this dance?" 

"Yes, of course." Sif replied, still sitting. "You may dance on my lap." She pulled out a roll of small bills from her pocket. "I have payment to adorn your undergarments." 

+

"This is great, it's just like being in middle school again." Jane said brightly, climbing into the circle before realizing that everyone was staring at her. "What?"

 _Pajamas!_ Maria fake-coughed as she reached for the popcorn. 

"Do you realize that you are wearing a picture of your boyfriend's face on your boobs?" Darcy asked dubiously. 

"What? Thor gave them to me." Jane looked down at her large shirt, which was from a line of Avengers-themed gear. The pants had tiny hammers on them. "He said that he liked to know he could be near me even when we slept apart." 

"Mmmmhmmm." Natasha said disbelievingly. 

"My King's visage would be a strange thing to stare at while we confide our sexual encounters." Sif added. 

"Oh fine." Jane rolled her eyes before shucking off her shirt. "Happy?" 

"Very." Maria said. 

"It can be your buy-in for strip Mahjong." Natasha said. 

"Uh ..." Darcy said, "You do realize that Pepper's wearing like a nightie and a pair of panties and that's it?" She cocked her head. "Hey, _are_ you wearing panties?" 

Pepper crossed her legs hastily. 

"Sexual favors can also be bought and traded." Natasha said airily as her hands shuffled the tile. 

+

Pepper was talking about something, and normally, Tony would've totally given her his undivided attention (unless she was talking about shoes. Or boring business things. Or important business things. Or lecturing him about his risk-taking behavior yada yada yada), but today he was distracted by a pink mark under her left ear that he was sure didn't come from him. 

"... and Fury offered me two billion dollars to join his harem, and you know, I was actually tempted to say yes. Because he is a man who listens." 

"Sorry," Tony shook himself free of his daze. "What?" 

"Tony." Pepper crossed her arms over her chest and lowered her chin in that terribly endearing and also terrifying way of hers. 

"Not my fault." Tony said, and then pointed dramatically to the incriminating mark. "Who left _that_." 

Pepper immediately pressed her fingers to her neck and blushed, to Tony's horror. "It must have, last night ..."

"But last night you were with the girls." Tony said slowly, something dawning on his mental horizon. "At the tower ..."

"Have I ever asked about your poker night with the boys?" Pepper asked pointedly, glancing at his low-slung jeans which revealed just a flare of fingerprint-shaped bruises. 

"That's not fair," Tony pouted, "I offered to give you the gory details days ago. I even suggested roleplay-" 

Pepper rolled her eyes fondly and walked out of the room. After Tony was sure she was out of earshot, he hissed, "Jarvis! Tell me you have the footage from last night."

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, of any of you are interested in chatting, squeeing over gifs or reading snippets of my WIPs, feel free to follow me at [my tumblr](http://beatingsofabesottedheart.tumblr.com).


End file.
